Promoted by Epluribusunum.America was once called the land of the free, home of the brave, but we have been transported to Eugenica, Eugene Delgaudio’s America. In Eugenica, the citizens support Eugene and defend everything their glorious leader says or does. Eugenica is pure. Teh gays have not penetrated the worldview force field. The throbbing throngs of homosexuals have not entered the gates. The liberals have failed to shove their agendas down the throats of the Eugenicans.
Everybody wears a large Eugenican flag pin for identification, and they have a million supporters across the universe who send money when there is trouble, like when somebody from the outside world tries to “tell them what to think“.
The Eugenicans are a hard-working lot. They don’t need government for nothing because government can’t do anything right. They all carry guns and drive around in Eugenican-made trucks with “Border Patrol” bumper stickers to keep the riffraff out.
And when there is a threat or a disaster or a catastrophe, the one, singular, mighty member of the government who actually can do something right is called to the rescue. Here, the quintessential paragon of government excellence-in-action rises to the challenge, any challenge. For example, we have this on-the-scene report from uber-patriot David Dickinson.
Eugene’s previous e-mail demonstrated why he is a supervisor. There was a problem with power outages. He puts out his e-mail and says if your power is out call him on his cell phone and gives out his number and tells people he’ll take care of it. At the local level, people care more about that kind of stuff than his stance on social issues.
You should have been there. Eugene strapped a transformer to his back with duct tape, took off his shoes and scrambled up a telephone pole IN HIS BARE FEET. He replaced the transformer with a pocket tool and the power was restored in just fifteen minutes!
But Eugenica is under attack. The liberal, secular, homo-outside-world is trying to take email and the internets away from the Eugenicans. It’s URGENT!. Send money!