Anytime you find someone in the middle,
Anytime you find someone who is tepid,
Anytime you find someone who is lukewarm,
Anytime you find someone who has been in Congress for 25 years and no one ever heard of him,
You’ve got Oatmeal Man
Oatmeal Man, straddling uncomfortably, yards and feet of barbed wire
It’s hard to live in the middle all the time
Oatmeal Man, the man who said you could fit all of his black friends in the trunk of his car and still have room for the Republican elephant
Oatmeal Man — Gil Scott-Heron
If you live in Virginia’s 33rd House District, tomorrow’s Republican primary is the most important political opportunity in recent history. There is only one clear choice. Vote for Dave LaRock. It’s him, or “Oatmeal Man,” Sons of Confederate Veterans, real-conservative, 199% pro-life Joe May.
This may sound counter-intuitive. It’s higher political reasoning, proof by induction. Here are the reasons. Please meditate on them, quickly, and then run to the polls tomorrow morning.
VOTE FOR DAVE LAROCK IN VA’S HOUSE 33RD!
- Dave LaRock is CERTIFIED batshit crazy. He takes the law into his own hands. He disrespects and cheats his employees. He collaborates with Eugene Delgaudio to disparage constituents. He builds the most hideous McMansions. His supporters are old LaRouchies. He’s obsessed with other peoples genitals and what they do in the bathroom. He’s Plato’s perfect paradigm of vulgar “crotch” politics incarnate. We need him to represent the people of the 33rd like we need Eugene to represent “Dear Sterling Americans,” and Dick Black to represent the 13th. LaRock is too compulsive to contain himself. If he wins this year, he’ll embarrass himself and his party and won’t be able to maintain his seat. He’ll end up another Michele Bachmann.
- We MUST put a stop to the uber-conservative flaunting. The people aren’t impressed. It has to end, and there is no way to end it other than to break it. If we throw the primary to LaRock, then May and others will get the message that if they swing too far right, they go over the edge. They might as well *be* their opponent. LaRock is vulnerable. May is invincible (do we like oatmeal that much?). If LaRock wins the primary, maybe more than a few disgusted Republicans and Independents will work hard to insure that he doesn’t win the general.
- We NEED the transparency. Dave LaRock’s campaign will energize fellow crazies. They’ll donate money, hold events, write letters, ask for favors, brag and boast. His candidacy provides a tremendous opportunity to discover his friends. He also seems to have many, many enemies. They may go public.