Bill Fox’s bright idea

The Loudoun Times Mirror reports that conservative Leesburg School Board representative Bill Fox suggested a creative bit of growth in our local government – the procurement and maintenance of elementary school arsenals. For an initial outlay of $100K plus $50K annually we can outfit each elementary school with a gun safe, semi-automatic shotgun, and training in the “art” of lethal killing.

Prove to me why keeping a gun in each Loudoun County elementary school wouldn’t be a cheap and effective school shooting deterrent, asked School Board member Bill Fox (Leesburg), in the comment section of a blog post titled “Since Nothing Else Works, Arm the Principals.”

If Mr. Fox’s suggestion is approved, there will need to be a mandatory assembly to inform students and parents of the new policy. Here is a draft of the LCPS presentation:

Welcome students and parents. We’ve called this assembly to assure you that we’ve taken proactive measures to insure that students, volunteers and staff will be as safe as possible in the event of a school invasion by heavily armed persons intent on inflicting harm. This school is now outfitted with the Smileyface gun safe, the latest in fingerprint activated gun safes. The safe contains the popular Pulpmaster semi-automatic tactical shotgun with detachable 12-round magazine.

Your principal, Ms. Rambo, guidance counselor Ms. Skywalker, and fifth grade teacher Mr. Hinckley have each received extensive training in tactical operations, handgun, machine gun and shotgun safety, hand to hand combat and knife fighting. They are now your officially designated “Student Protection Officers.” As SPOs, they MAY augment the meager taxpayer funded arsenal with their personal weapons. Experts consulted by the school board suggest an open-carry Glock, a concealed derringer, bowie knife and piano wire. In the upcoming budget negotiations, the school board will reallocate funds from music and arts education to secure funding for the new line item. We recognize the need for one weapon for each SPO. We wouldn’t want to see any needless contention for weapons during the fog of war. Don’t worry; the school board will not reduce funding allocated for ball fields or sports programs.

Unfortunately, we have received some rather nasty emails from San Francisco-style liberals who think this is a bad idea. We’d like to assure you that a team of volunteer consultants – all members of the NRA, and many with extensive stock holdings in the Smileyface Gun Safe Corporation and Pulpmaster Unlimited – has performed an extensive, non-peer-reviewed study. They have determined that this is the best safety option. There is a tiny chance that a SPO will go ballistic and use his or her taxpayer-funded shotgun on fellow staff members or students, that he or she will carry out a public suicide, or that a SPO personal weapon will be used against an innocent. However, we’ve determined that this cost is negligible compared to the deterrent benefit of the arsenal. In the case of an unfortunate incident, we assure you that we will respond by immediately purchasing additional weapons.

Additionally, some of these liberals, who will stop at nothing to take away YOUR LIBERTY, have complained about the pedagogic message of this action. They have even stooped so low as to cite the Holy Bible, including the stories of Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Moses, and Jesus. Some have also written that there is an American tradition of non-violent resistance to injustice and evil, noting that the human spirit and faith have been effective weapons in the struggle against guns, clubs, dogs, fire hoses and the hangman’s noose, weapons that have been wielded by the powerful against the powerless. To this, we reply: HOGWASH. We are responsible for your children’s education. We will not allow these liberal fantasies to enter their receptive little heads. We MUST teach them what to think and train them up in the way they should go. The most important message we can teach is that if there is a problem, the solution is to buy stuff.

Please, go home, hug your children, tell them that you love them, and let them know that they need not worry. We will keep them safe.

This message has been sponsored by the NRA, Smileyface Gun Safe Corporation, Pulpmaster Unlimited and ALEC.

2 thoughts on “Bill Fox’s bright idea

  1. Pariahdog Post author

    I did see the NY Times editorial, and I immediately fired of a short email to the school board. I was also disgusted with Terry McCauliffe’s offer to place a police officer in every elementary school that requested one. As far as I’m concerned, a police officer with a gun at an elementary school is a gun at an elementary school. Here is my note.

    Dear Members of the School Board,

    Having not been involved in school matters recently for lack of children in the school system, I haven’t had the opportunity to introduce myself to the new members of the board. In the mid 2000’s, I was involved in the well-deserved citizen objections to school board sanctioned anti-gay policies. Mr. Reed is well-aware of those controversies. While not vocal, I continue to be watchful. I hope that this current board recognizes the realities faced by Loudoun’s GLBT families and students, and that it will continue to abandon existing anti-gay policies for failure to address anything except the paranoid fantasies of a small number of ideologues and political donors.

    I did object to the PTA hiring of professional bully, Keith Deltano, to ironically teach anti-bullying practices. I’ve also been watchful of Bill Fox, the Leesburg District representative because his “conservative” highly ideological views are potentially damaging to children. Thanks to his transparent commenting on conservative blogs, Mr. Fox has demarcated himself as an outlier amongst this board, if not for his views, for his eagerness to express them openly. Please don’t ask him to “stay off the blogs.” I would never suggest that.

    An article in the Loudoun Times Mirror reported on a recent Bill Fox blog comment suggesting that we discuss, debate or study the idea of outfitting elementary schools with gun safes and semi-automatic shotguns. While this idea sounds outrageous, politicians on both sides of the fence, including Democratic Gubernatorial candidate Terry McCauliffe have been pandering to the NRA and the gun lobby to position arms or armed personnel on school properties.

    I hope that neither of the proposals from messers McCauliffe or Fox are given serious consideration by this board. The proposals are really two-sides of the same coin. The only significant difference is that McCauliffe’s proposal represents a larger expenditure. Both proposals would normalize the idea that elementary school age children require armed defenders. I’m speechless over the courseness, shallowness, and sheer depravity of political “leaders” from both parties. That’s why I’m writing to you today. Please show the citizens of Loudoun some grace and leadership. I wish I could provide a concrete proposal. I can’t except to offer that we talk about the recent shooting, openly, and that we not react, except to talk, and talk, and pray.

    I’ve included a New York Times editorial. Please read it if you haven’t. I believe it takes the correct moral stance on the issue.

    Jonathan Weintraub

  2. LaPierre's gonads

    You guys probably saw this already, but the New York Times editorial from yesterday (about the disgusting NRA news conference) said this:

    “We cannot imagine trying to turn the principals and teachers who care for our children every day into an armed mob. And let’s be clear, civilians bristling with guns to prevent the “next Newtown” are an armed mob even with training offered up by Mr. LaPierre. Any town officials or school principals who take up the N.R.A. on that offer should be fired.”

    Bat-shit crazy describes this (not) bright idea alright. Thanks for reviving this blog. It’s needed. It’s also got the gang (Barbara Munsey mostly) at TC really pissed off, which tells you a lot.

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